Dear Matthew:
I have a friend who has been involved in a yo-yo relationship for 13 years. I have been a listening ear for the last year as he has played game after game after game. I recently found out that he is getting married in less than 2 weeks! Should I let her know? We are not extremely close but I have been her confidant because of our family history and church membership. Help! – SHOULD I TELL HER.
Dear Should I Tell Her: This letter is a little confusing, but I think you are saying that your friend's on again and off again boyfriend is actually marrying someone else.
Two things come to mind. The first is that she may already know that he is marrying someone else. She may choose to ignore the fact and wish it away as untrue, but that doesn't mean that she isn't aware of it.
The second thing is that if she has been in this yes, no, maybe mode with him for 13 years, then she knows what his personality is. If it was 13 weeks, I would say she might have some more learning time to get in, but after all those years? She is obviously willing to put up with the status of the way things have been between them for all that time, so you providing the listening ear is probably all she wanted as opposed to real advice. Perhaps she even is satisfied with their relationship with him the way it is and talking to you has been her outlet for the frustrations that are part of all relationships.
In any case, a good approach might be to simply say to her, "I just heard that he is getting married, is that true?"